Truthfully, there’s nothing I can say.
Is it because I’m now a parent? Does the unspeakable news pierce a place in my heart I never knew I had?
Yes.
Those children are everyone’s children. That town is everyone’s town. Their stories are our stories.
This week, I’ve found myself finding excuses to withdraw. Forgoing get-togethers with friends simply to stay in and hug our baby a bit tighter. Scanning the post office lobby as I stand with Gracey in my arms, contemplating which corner I’d dive into if something horrible were to happen. Skipping church in fear of large gatherings of people. Avoiding story hour at the library because, well … I’m scared.
As the hours passed since Friday morning, I felt as if evil was winning. There you have it, I thought. We all feel hopeless, scared, shocked, broken and angry. While Gracey played with her toys this morning — giggling to herself, enjoying the most perfect world she knows — I pulled up my laptop and watched the speech President Obama gave last night in Newtown. Slowly, it came. The emotions, the sadness, the fear, the anxiety of the unknown, chills after chills after chills. Tears rolled down my cheeks. He discussed parenting, resilience, scripture, remembrance, and hope. For 20 minutes, I felt as though he was speaking as a father, not as a President. All politics were set aside. No matter which side of the road you stand on, do yourself a favor — stop. Slow down. Listen to these words. It’s worth every minute of your time.
“Someone once described the joy and anxiety of parenthood as the equivalent of having your heart outside of your body all the time, walking around. With their very first cry, this most precious, vital part of ourselves – our child – is suddenly exposed to the world, to possible mishap or malice. And every parent knows there is nothing we will not do to shield our children from harm. And yet, we also know that with that child’s very first step, and each step after that, they are separating from us; that we won’t – that we can’t always be there for them. They’ll suffer sickness and setbacks and broken hearts and disappointments. And we learn that our most important job is to give them what they need to become self-reliant and capable and resilient, ready to face the world without fear.
And we know we can’t do this by ourselves. It comes as a shock at a certain point where you realize, no matter how much you love these kids, you can’t do it by yourself. That this job of keeping our children safe, and teaching them well, is something we can only do together, with the help of friends and neighbors, the help of a community, and the help of a nation. And in that way, we come to realize that we bear a responsibility for every child because we’re counting on everybody else to help look after ours; that we’re all parents; that they’re all our children.
This is our first task – caring for our children. It’s our first job. If we don’t get that right, we don’t get anything right.”
The full speech can be seen here.
I’ll leave you with a photo of Gracey’s first steps, taken just a few days back. Hold these babies close and let us never forget what a true gift we’ve been given.
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